100 words on Vin Diesel, Bay-formers 3 and The Governater’s next big thing

May movie pick: Source Code

It wasn’t too hard to pick a movie for this month. I’m not sold on Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and I’m not particularly fussed with The Hangover Part 2. Nevertheless, Source Code is a film every sci-fi dork should be jotting down on their iPhone. A government experiment transfers an unaware soldier into the body of a man due to die in eight minutes. The soldier is forced to relive these eight minutes until he locates and defuses a terrorist bomb. And if that description somehow confuses you, just think of it as James Cameron’s Groundhog Day.

Escaping the bargain Vin

I respect Vin Diesel. Not so much for what he’s contributed to cinema, but out of fear that if I disrespect him, he’d break my knees. He started out big with Saving Private Ryan and really broke out with his solo gig xXx. He slumped a bit with The Pacifier (which really isn’t too shabby) and Babylon A.D. (which is VERY shabby). Luckily for “The man who doesn’t do sequels,” Fast and Furious saved him from the Hollywood bargain bin. Still, for me, Vin’s shining moment was his role as The Iron Giant. Seriously, his voice will break your subwoofers.

Harry Potter 7.5 trailer

Holy muggle-bashing crap! The internet just got hava cadavered by the latest trailer for Harry’s final outing. Many fans, myself included, loved Part 1, but it may have been irritatingly slower for some other Potter geeks. Its natural for all of us to feel like we’ve been promised an epically chaotic conclusion to Potter’s tale. The latest trailer reassures this with an iron fist. Thunderstorms, dragons, explosions, fireworks, a collapsing bridge, an army of statues, an army of wizards and Harry and Voldermort caught in a energy beam tug-of-war of kamehameha-sized proportion. Make no mistake, this will be gargantuan.

The Brightside of the Dark of the Moon

Well bust my balls, we’re treated to another massive trailer this week. After that convoluted, weed-referencing, racial-profiling, mathlexic, plot-hole-making, Shia-LeBeouf-arm-flailing, can’t-see-what-the-f**k-is-going-on mess that was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I’m surprisingly optimistic about Dark of the Moon. Michael Bay’s finally accepted the aforementioned criticisms and given the latest trailer, he’s seemed to have made some valiant improvements, at least action-wise. With Spielberg holding his storytelling hand, we just might be in for the be Bay-formers yet. Still not sure about the Megan Fox replacement. Seriously, what’s with her lips? Was her mother a puffer fish? Angelina Jolie’s blushing right now.

REC 3

Any self-respecting zombie nut must be aware of the Spanish shaky-cam series REC. The first garnered well-earned attention (the last ten minutes are terrifying) while its sequel was more polarizing. REC 3 will attempt to keep the ball rolling, or perhaps that should be “start the ball rolling” considering it’s a prequel. The tagline on the poster reads “The happiest day of my life.” It’s rare to see a decent prequel of anything nowadays. REC 3 may slump the series into obscurity or continues to petrify us with its undead tale. And no, I’m not going into the possession/infection/zombie debate.

Arnie’s next big thing

OK, so it seems Schwarzenegger has nominated his big-screen comeback vessel to be The Terminator franchise. Anyone else disappointed by this? Not so much by the fact that he’ll be the only T-800 cyborg with glazed leather for skin, but by the fact that out of all possible franchises for Arnie to revive, he went with the typical, safest option. James Cameron’s probably too busy building a money-mâché replica of himself to give us Truer Lies. Personally, I’d love to see Arnie in movies that can play to his age, like Kindergarten Cop 2 or a menopausal sequel to Junior.